I’ll say this for my conversion to ‘trombonist’: it’s given the husband new scope for gift ideas. Did I get some soppy card with love hearts on it this Valentine’s Day? Nope, I got a personalised, homemade card from him featuring Goofy playing the trombone.

I won’t comment on the fact that Mickey Mouse’s mate is attempting to use the slide with his left hand (even though he’s got the trombone on his left shoulder). Or the comparison between myself and Goofy. It’s the thought that counts. Except that there’s also a Lego man and a Smurf playing the trombone on it, too. There may be a subliminal message, but I’m not going to go there.

I didn’t actually receive a Valentine’s present, though I had been dropping hints about those fluffy rods you can buy for cleaning your inner slide. Maybe he Googled it and got diverted.

(I did better at Christmas, though: a trombone stand, a mouthpiece in ‘Punk Pink’ AND a mute. However, it turned out to be for a bass trombone, which is no use for me. I’m still resorting to stuffing my scarf up the bell on band nights whenever the music says ‘cup mute’. It’s not ideal: the scarf muffles the tone so much I barely make any sound at all and yanking it out again is like performing a conjuring trick.)

I realise trombone accessories aren’t every woman’s idea of a Valentine’s gift, but hey, I don’t use perfume now – it makes my eyes water and I sneeze – and flowers have the same effect, due to my hayfever. Besides, the trombone is quite a sexy instrument. I only have to mention my embouchure and the husband  perks up no end. He had high hopes when I bought home a book called ‘How Trombonists Do It’ but when he discovered that I was only intending to do the lip flexibility exercises on the trombone he lost interest.

There have been other confusions on this score: when I innocently told a male friend of mine I couldn’t go out because I was busy tromboning (I was: scale of G minor) he texted me back to ask whether I realised this was an esoteric sexual practice. I told him I didn’t want to know the details. Suffice to say I’m more careful now about how I refer to my playing when I’m in mixed company.

Ribald it may be at times, but I enjoy the sense of humour that trombonists have. We have quite a giggle in the back row on band nights. I reckon it’s because the trombone is such a flamboyant instrument and yet it doesn’t get that much attention, either in orchestras or in brass bands and certainly not as a solo instrument.

Apparently, there’s a saying: ‘Never point at a trombonist. It will only encourage them.’ I don’t know where it comes from, but it cracked me up no end when I heard it. Unfortunately, our conductor does point at me quite a lot, normally because I’m not playing loudly enough. My flamboyant side is there; it’s just not coming out until I’m one hundred per cent sure of my pitching. And my ability to play in 6/8 time.

Am I encouraged? While the urge to run and hide in the loo does occasionally grip me, I do, on the whole, feel positive. I know I’m improving, even if I’ve have got a way to go yet. I took part in a trombone choir recently, which was a bit of a struggle but fun, in a masochistic kind of way. The other players were much more experienced than me and I worried I was letting the side down but at the end one of them said comfortingly, ‘Don’t worry, you weren’t as bad as you thought you were.’

I took that in the spirit it was meant, which was kindly. I find that if you’re honest about your ability and prepared to work hard and learn, people are supportive. There’s an international trombone concert in Manchester next Sunday that culminates in a mass trombone workshop and performance. I emailed the organiser and told him my ability level, asking whether it would be suitable. He emailed back that I might find it a bit of a challenge but encouraged me to come along and try it: ‘We’re all very friendly in the trombone world’.

 So I’m going. I will probably play very quietly indeed, but I will give it my best shot. It’s not something I would have ever considered doing before, but playing the trombone in public has made me more confident, or at least more fearless. I am more prepared to put myself ‘out there’ than I used to be, whether it’s giving talks for my ‘proper’ job as a writer or doing something scary like going for an audition.

Incidentally, I did the latter recently and landed a part as a principal dancer in a musical. Now see what I’ve been and gone and done. If it all goes horribly wrong – and judging by yesterday’s rumba lesson it’s going to be another ‘challenge’ – then at least I can volunteer my services for the live band instead . . .